They say some things are better left buried.
I have often thought about writing a book about breaking free from my previous marriage that was wrought with abuse. The book would delve into what it took to break away from the religious legalism that kept me there for so long. Everyone goes through struggles in life and mine are no more extraordinary than anyone else’s. However writing them down and working through them individually is a good thing.
We are in the beautiful mountain town of Boquete Panama for a few weeks, taking a bit of a break from travel. I’ve also had trouble with my knee for the last few months, swelling and simply giving out on me. We decided to take this time to get X-rays and an MRI to see what is going on.
This seems like a good time to start on that book since the doctor also ordered minimal exercise until he reviews the MRI. This exercise of writing feels like dredging a canal and laying out the unsightly dregs at the bottom to dry. It is painful as I pull out some old memories and walk through them. I have been able to sit here for hours at time and just type away. Sometimes my eyes fill with tears and I have to stop or just walk away, breathe and remember the freedom I have now.
I normally focus on the happier times of my life, it makes life overall better to focus on the good stuff. This forceful review of the nightmares in my past seem to weaken that membrane that keeps me upbeat throughout the day. At times I have to walk away and I wonder if I should even continue it.
This time is also filled with joy and we have had the opportunity here to meet so many wonderful people. We are staying with a cowboy who even at the age of 73 is more energetic and full of life than most people my age. He is still racing and winning horse races! His guests come from all over the world. We met champion barrel racers from Australia, Canadian ranchers, and overlanders to name a few.
Last night we spent the evening at the home of one of the leading families of Panama, an absolutely wonderful family whom I felt a connection with. I thoroughly enjoyed my conversation with a strong courageous woman named Chichi. Their home is surrounded by a 360º view of the mountains in Boquete including Volcan Baru. We sat on the partially enclosed porch with a cool breeze and a fire in the antique open wood stove. Conversation flowed freely while I sipped my wine. A guitar strummed through the speaker of Highway to Heaven and my soul was happy knowing life is good.
*Cover photo from Tedmens house watching the sunset over Volcan Baru